Time To Say Goodbye
I can’t sleep. I have a lot on my mind and I don’t know how to process it all. There comes a time when you have to say ‘goodbye’ and let someone go but it isn’t always easy. I’m not talking in regards to death and having to let someone go because of that. I’m talking relationships with the opposite sex.
Almost 2 years ago (the end of January will mark 2 years) I ‘met’ one of the most amazing men. He was everything I’d always wanted in a man – smart, cute, funny, kind, caring, selfless, honest (sometimes too honest! lol), loving, treated me with respect, wanted to know my input about situations. He was down to earth, easy to get along with and a hero in more ways than one. I looked at him as a hero in two ways – (1) because he was/is a soldier and anyone that is selfless enough to put themselves in harms way to fight for our freedom is a hero in my book. But (2) I looked at him as a hero because he was so amazing to me…or at least he tried to be. It wasn’t so easy for me to let him treat me like a princess. I wasn’t used to a man having respect for me. I wasn’t used to a man caring what my thoughts/feelings were. My past issues caused a lot of problems in our relationship…eventually pushing him away.
So many people didn’t understand my relationship with him. We were introduced while he was deployed so our relationship was emails, instant messaging, etc. It was the most ‘intimate’ relationship I’d ever had. When you are forced to build a relationship around nothing but communication the bond you build with that person is indescribable!
Anyways things came to an end but we remained friends. He was still so supportive and ‘there’ for me through so many things. Only problem was all this ‘friends’ stuff wasn’t helping me move on it was only making my love for him even stronger. It’s been a little over a year since we broke up and the love for him is still there. The dull ache in my heart is still there. The longing to have him in my life is still there. The hole that I feel like I have in my heart is still there.
The point to all this?
I knew there would be a time that I had to let him go. I’ve been holding onto him all this time when there wasn’t anything to hold onto and it’s been painful. Earlier tonight salt got poured into an already open wound and it was then that I realized it was time to let go and say goodbye once and for all. The sad thing? I feel even more hurt right now because of how I handled a situation with him. He had some very important news to share with me but I acted in a selfish manner and instead of stopping to think about his feelings I only cared about mine and the fact that the wounds that hadn’t healed yet (because I kept hanging on to him instead of letting go) were opened even deeper. But maybe what unfolded tonight was exactly what I needed to make me open my eyes and realize it was time to let go and move on once and for all regardless of how hard it is.
But I have one question…
Why does it take a minute to say hello but takes forever to say goodbye?
1Mary Lutz
wrote on 10 November 2009 at 15:06
Awe Tishia, I know what you’re going through, I’ve been there myself. I know how hard it is to let go. The good news is though, time does truly heal all wounds. So hang in there. It will get easier and easier each day. It doesn’t mean you forget…we never forget…it just means you’re moving on, moving forward.
Love you.
2Christine Holroyd
wrote on 10 November 2009 at 15:25
Tishia, it’s hard to know what to say. Makes me want to wrap my arms around you and envelope you in a huge hug. Kudos to you for finding the inner strength to let go.
Take care of yourself which is what you are ultimately doing by making this decision.
3admin
wrote on 10 November 2009 at 23:32
Mary – I know time does heal all wounds I’m just hoping it doesn’t take nearly as long as it took to get over Caleb’s dad lol You would think that after a year I’d be so over it and moved on by now!!! I mean seriously.
Christine – Thank you for your comment. I could use a huge hug right now so I’ll take a virtual one
4Jen @ One Moms World
wrote on 11 November 2009 at 1:02
Your question at the end… its so true and I often wonder the answer. I’m so sorry about the turn of events Tishia. I remember you posting about this relationship and being so happy for you. There was a reason for all of this to happen, but unfortunately we don’t usually see the reason right away. Just know God has a different path for you.
Much love and (((HUGS)))
5admin
wrote on 11 November 2009 at 14:50
Jen – Yeah I remember how fun it was sharing & talking about him all the time with all of my online peeps! And everyone was really happy for me but like you said there is a reason for all of this…I just haven’t figured it out yet probably because it still hurts too much. lol
6Bobbi Janay
wrote on 11 November 2009 at 14:51
I hear you on the last question.
7Allison
wrote on 11 November 2009 at 15:57
I’m going through something similar, with a couple of friends. It’s hard to let go of their friendship, but the longer I hold on, the more I get hurt. Sometimes it takes a slap in the face to wake us up and force us to move on. Maybe that’s the only way we learn.
8admin
wrote on 11 November 2009 at 22:47
Bobbi – I’m not sure that I’ll have the answer to that last question. lol
Allison – No matter what the situation (an ex boyfriend/husband or friends)it’s never easy. Sometimes we have to let those go that we care the most about because it’s not good for us to continue having them in our lives – sending you hugs. It will get easier…I think!
9chrissy
wrote on 14 November 2009 at 22:37
I haven’t had to end a relationship like yours exactly but have had to end LONG friendships with the same sex…when something is not good for you…although I have moved on from them, good bye seems to hard so I just say we parted ways. I don’t answer their calls but do like a update once in awhile as to there well being (I get it from outside sources).
Good-bye is to final and although I needed to leave the relationship it doesn’t mean it is final and gone it’s changed is all.
Coping method?? Probably but it works for me
kudos to for realizing that it needs to change for you to move on and a BIG HUG to help you atleast get through tonight.
10admin
wrote on 14 November 2009 at 23:14
Chrissy – Thank you for sharing. Yes goodbye is never easy that’s for sure. I’m hanging in there it just hurts that’s all. But I know in time I’ll be able to look on this as a learning experience because I did learn so many things through this relationship! Loving a soldier is so different than a civilian! lol
11Donna
wrote on 15 November 2009 at 10:15
{{Hugs}}. You are a strong woman – never, ever forget that. You’ve got the right attitude – everything is a learning experience. And you are right – being a soldier is very different. My brother is a soldier and I don’t think I could be in a romantic relationship with one. Not that it’s a bad thing but it’s just a whole different way of life. Cherish your memories. One day you’ll find someone that deserves you.
12admin
wrote on 16 November 2009 at 1:11
Donna – Thank you for your kind words! Until someone is in the shoes of loving a soldier they’ll never understand what I’m talking about (or like you having a family member over there & knowing how little communication you have, etc). I gave up on trying to make people understand our relationship and how I fell in love with him. lol Now I don’t even try to explain to anyone the feelings I’m having going through this process of letting him go. I’ll definitely never forget him or the memories I have! As for the whole one day finding someone – yeah we’ll see…I’m really beginning to doubt whether it’s ever going to happen.