I am Not Getting Sucked Back into Online Dating or Am I
Ok ok I’ve been there done that before. Can I just say that online dating sites seem to bring out the crazies? Holy Toledo is there some weirdos lurking around these sites.
No I haven’t been sucked back into the whole online dating thing. Well kind of no anyways. Just out of curiosity I happened to check my email that I used for an online dating site when I was being ‘active’ on the site quite awhile ago and I’ll admit it I got kind of excited when I saw all the emails in there. A lot of them were old but there were several recent ones. Of course I couldn’t resist logging onto the site and reading the mail.
It didn’t take long to weed through the ones that I got that ‘crazy’ impression about. And a few of the emails – man I thought women could come off as needy, I just found a few men that way out beat women in the needy department. There were a few that….well let’s just say they didn’t beat around the bush when it came to asking for what they wanted (seriously can’t believe men just email asking for a booty call….disgusting).
And then there were two emails from two seemingly normal men. So I bit the bait and emailed back. I said I wouldn’t do it but I did (hanging my head in shame LOL) Now I’ve been in a game of pickle so to speak emailing back and forth between these two men. Both of them want my phone number and both of them want to meet. I’m not ready to meet either one of them and honestly I’m not sure that I have any interest in talking on the phone to either of them yet (is that bad?). I’m ok with giving out my IM address and will chat online with them but I’m just not ready for anything else.
I find it funny that I find dating tiring, time consuming, emotionally draining and just a big ole pain in the a**! That’s probably not a good thing that I view dating in those terms.
And for someone that says she hasn’t been sucked back in she sure checks that email inbox on a pretty frequent basis again. ROFLOL
1Canadian Bald Guy
wrote on 8 May 2009 at 19:52
During my depression last year, I thought I’d feel better by trying my luck at “fishing”. Needless to say, I ended up getting even MORE depressed at the responses I was getting.
I mean…is teeth really too much to ask? Really??
Just make sure you do what’s right for you. When you’re ready, you’re ready.
Canadian Bald Guy’s last blog post..Fun Music Fridays!
2admin
wrote on 9 May 2009 at 1:04
Canadian Bald Guy: LOL at your is teeth really too much to ask comment…I know what you mean. Even if nothing comes of my ‘fishing’ at least I’ll have some good blog fodder and some good laughs at the crazies that come out. Guess I can’t really expect much on a free dating site.
3Laura
wrote on 9 May 2009 at 7:31
ARGH online dating sucks! It sucks alot and alot and then alot more!
It really is soul destroying! I will NEVER do it again!!! Even if, like you said, it gave me great blog fodder.
Most sites here are a collection of socities misfits and freaks!
Laura’s last blog post..Study study study
4Tishia Lee
wrote on 12 May 2009 at 10:43
Laura: Yes online dating does suck. Actually I think dating period sucks
Probably why I’m single. The site I’m referring to is a free dating site so you can only imagine what kind of interesting folks that attracts!
5Carol
wrote on 13 May 2009 at 19:06
Okay, I have to put in my two cents here on the side of online dating…which is where I met my wonderful husband.
I am not the type to hide circumstances in my life, when by sharing them, it may encourage somebody else that has been in the same situation… so I will be brutally honest here.
When I found myself forty, single and still very much wanting the white picket fence and happily-ever-after, it seemed all I heard was how I should avoid online dating because of the weirdos and danger.
So I took that advice and I met what seemed to be a polite, respectable man with a Master’s Degree at Barnes and Nobles and when he asked me out, I accepted, we met at a public place and he was a perfect gentleman. Went out a couple more times and he was the picture of the perfect date each time, opened all the right doors, held out chairs etc and did not even try to sneak in a goodnight kiss.
However (don’tcha’ just know there is a however coming!), when on our next date, he presented me with an expensive necklace and said he loved me, I backed off very quickly and turned him down when he asked me out again simply explaining that it was way too soon to talk about love.
Well, as it turns out, this seemingly gentlemanly, polite, professional man was in actuality a serial rapist who followed me home one night, did what rapists do, along with brutalizing me, biting me and threatening to kill me…and then proceeded to stalk me.
The police could not catch him and I had to change jobs, move, hide my children with friends until this had all passed, and do everything in my maiden name hoping he would not find me. Needless to say, that was the end of dating anyone I did not know pretty dad gum well after that.
Once I had recovered and was ready, I still wanted my chance at happily-ever-after, but for good reason, was nervous about getting to know anyone new. This is where online dating, to me, seemed a much safer alternative, if done right.
I did not post my own ad, but looked at the profiles of men who had placed ads. I made note of the ones I had a good bit in common with and we’d email back and forth a bit. If I got one tiny hint at deception, falsehoods or them only wanting to “hook up”, they never heard from me again.
We went from emailing back and forth to chatting online, and only graduated to talking on the phone once I was very comfortable with it. The entire time, I was carefully looking for any sign of dishonesty or a crack in what could be just an act.
Only after I was feeling really good about talking on the phone would I meet, in a public place, and take it very slowly (of course, it did help me not feel quite so nervous because after having been raped and stalked, I did carry pepper spray with me at all times, and kept a gun in my car).
Anyhow, IMO, all that time of getting to know one another SLOWLY through emails, chats, and on the phone, made it much safer than going out with somebody I had met the good old-fashioned way. Had I wanted to, I could have done background checks from a distance before we met in person, or even talked on the phone.
Anyway…that is how I met my husband, who is my perfect match. We have everything you can have in common, in common. He is the ying to my yang, completes me, we balance each other and think just alike. Because we did most of our initial bonding at a distance, the attraction was not physical, but emotional, so sexual attraction was not an issue.
So, in my opinion, online dating sometimes gets a bad rap. I know there are weirdo-creepos out there. In spite of the fact all my profiles mention my very happy marriage, I still get hit on at social networking sites… and those creeps are disgusting…BUT, perhaps we should not throw out the baby with the bath water cuz’ there are some gems out there as well. Just my opinion, mind you…and especially having been through what I have been through, I always recommend caution and going very slowly, but there are distinct advantages to meeting somebody online. I met the man that is my without-a-doubt soul mate that way and felt very safe doing so. Anyone else have a thought on that?
6admin
wrote on 21 May 2009 at 12:02
Carol – For some reason I missed your comment so that’s why I’m just now responding. Thank you for sharing your story. I’ve always said (when people tell me that with online dating you don’t really know the person) that even with meeting people offline you don’t really know them. I’m a fan of online dating even though my experience hasn’t been the greatest but I do believe that it can work (you are proof of that) and know a couple people that met their husbands online.