Another Confession – Will I Ever Learn?
The last time I did a I have a confession post it was about sharing about the secret that I had a man in my life. That post totally backfired in my face considering that just a few short days later I was writing to inform everyone that he wasn’t my man anymore.
I seriously can’t believe I’m even writing this because it should NOT even be an issue. But it is. And once again I’ve found myself wondering will I EVER learn?
No sense in beating around the bush. Might as well just cut to the chase and get it over with.
So the above link that takes you to my post about having a man – yeah well I once again have a man. That same man. That same man that has hurt me twice now. I guess maybe I need to just go through being hurt three times???? Although in a few past relationships it took more than three times before I finally got out and stayed out.
I haven’t figured out yet why I once again let D back in my life. I do like being with him – we have great conversation, we laugh a lot, he’s funny, etc. I really thought I got over this whole having a man in my life just for the sake of having a man…but this just totally proves that I haven’t gotten over that issue. Sigh.
The crazy thing about this whole situation? I know I shouldn’t be with him. I know he’s just going to hurt me again. I know I deserve more than what he is willing to give me. But even knowing all this stuff I’m still back with him…kind of. We aren’t ‘exclusive’ and he said “I don’t want to stand in your way of finding what you want and your happiness”!
I just kind of sit here laughing and going what the he**?
Any insight as to why I am going back for more hurt? Please do share – I can handle it I promise!
1Carol Norris
wrote on 18 April 2009 at 15:22
aw, hunny bunny. I so hate to see good gals like you doing that to themselves….and really, you are doing it by allowing it. Of course, it is just my opinion, but I have five daughters, two of which are married, have many more that call me “mom”, fostered kids and ran a maternity home full of pregnant gals left high and dry by worthless fellas…point being, I have spent many more hours than your average mom on this particular topic. IMO, ya’ll allow this because somehow, deep down, you feel you don’t deserve any better…which is so tragic. You are worthy of being adored and treated like a queen. You are a smart, successful, fun, pretty and a totally cool gal…only I am bettin’ ya have a hard time believing that. My suggestion? Forget about men all together, until you have fallen in love with yourself (tell him you’d like to follow his suggestion and find your happiness, in yourself, not in him or any other man). It takes work and I am not saying it is at all easy. I am pushin’ fifty myself and have only recently gotten to the point where I kinda’ LIKE myself most days LOL. So, I am not saying I have it down pat….far from it. I have gotten to the point in life where I realize how important that self-love is though….and folks like you and me, don’t really have to worry about going too far in the other direction and thinking more highly of ourselves than we should. As far as the HOW you learn to love yourself….I’d like to see what kinda’ suggestions we can get from the silent masses out there before I fly off at the fingers and say any more right now. I am yappy enough as it is….
Oh, and just to clarify…I am not “anti-man” and hope I do not come across that way. I just think there is no way you can ever really love another until you love yourself to begin with, and when your self-esteem is low, you lower your standards as far as the type of treatment you will take from a man. Just my 2 cents. Men are okay…I am married to one after all LOL. Now the story of the ex….that is a Lifetime movie LOL.
2Tishia Lee
wrote on 19 April 2009 at 14:26
Carol first off thank you for your comment. I appreciate it. Second off you really hit the nail on the head a few times in your comment.
1. ya’ll allow this because somehow, deep down, you feel you don’t deserve any better…which is so tragic.
It is tragic but you hit the nail on the head. I say I deserve better that I deserve to be treated with dignity & respect, etc but yet I’ve had so many bad relationships I sometimes think it’s programmed into my brain that I don’t deserve better. And I can prove that point by saying that I had an AWESOME guy in my life – we are still friends – but all my past issues w/relationships being bad ended up pushing him away. I couldn’t handle him wanting to do nice things for me…I hadn’t had that before so I didn’t know how to accept it.
2. and when your self-esteem is low, you lower your standards as far as the type of treatment you will take from a man.
I do agree with this. I’ve suffered from low self-esteem my entire life and I’ve put up with way more than a woman should from lots of different men.
3Carol Norris
wrote on 19 April 2009 at 14:42
Okay now darlin…we see a root cause, now let’s discuss fixin’ it, shall we????? Maybe some of your readers can chip in as well with some tips on improving on your self-esteem in healthy ways. One thing I did probably 25 years ago, and I still use it all the time, was to go through my Bible from Genesis to Revelation and highlight in colored pencil every single verse that tells me who I am in Christ and how God sees me. The colored pencil works well because Bible paper is often so thin and fragile and it won’t bleed through or weaken the paper like pen or marker will…and I like it so much better than having a list of verses somewhere to read because 1. it makes it very simple to open it anywhere and just look for the blue highlights, and 2. when I want to, I can then also read the verse in context. Now, I realize that won’t work well for everyone because not everyone puts stock in what God has to say about things, but for those who do, it does help a lot. Like I said, I did that over 25 years ago and still use it. If that idea does not work for you, you could have friends you trust give you lists of traits they admire, respect or love about you, and then, even though you won’t tend to believe it LOL (yeah, I know that cuz’ I have the same issue myself), read those lists ALOUD to yourself often and work on getting it down into your psyche. I’d love to hear ideas from other folks. Let’s all learn to like ourselves….good idea????
4Mary Lutz
wrote on 19 April 2009 at 22:45
Well, after reading Carol’s suggestion of having friends you trust give you a list of traits they admire, here you go:
You are amazing to me. You are so strong and courageous! You are an awesome mom, a fantastic business woman and Gorgeous!!!!
Psalm 139 is a great chapter to read every day for a month! It’s all about how God sees you and WonderFully HE MADE YOU!!!
I too suffer from low self esteem, but I am working at overcoming it, and as Carol stated, it’s a slow process, but a process non the less. Take it day by day, minute by minute. Every single time the devil tries to tell you you are ugly or not worth it, you tell him to “Get away from me. You have no place here and I am not going to let you lie to me any more!” Then get out your bible and read Psalm 139 or the list of affirmations from your friends who love you
Mary Lutz’s last blog post..Blogging About Whatever I Want Today
5Laura
wrote on 19 April 2009 at 23:57
Babes I get why you are doing this! I have done it – OVER AND OVER! Beat my head against the same brick wall!!! Felt the pain and hurt REPEATEDLY! Gone LOOKING for it!
The good news is that you KNOW this time its wrong! Its a step in the right direction – now we just need you to realise you CAN say no!
6Tishia Lee
wrote on 21 April 2009 at 11:35
Carol, Mary & Laura – Thank you sooo much for your comments. They were uplifting and full of support regardless of the situation being a bad one that I shouldn’t even be in.
Carol:
We’ve been emailing back & forth quite a bit & I truly enjoy our conversations. You are so full of wisdom and great advice! (You really need to get a blog started…I think you have so much to share!!!!)
Mary:
I don’t know about being strong and courageous but I’ll say thank you and leave it at that. LOL As for gorgeous – yeah you know how I feel about that too but again I’ll say thank you and leave it at that. And I want to say thanks for your friendship. We’ve been through a lot together and you may not always say what I want to hear but I appreciate your love and support
Laura:
Isn’t it funny that we always go back for more when we know we’ll get the same treatment EVERY time? Although I have to say things have really changed with him and I recently. He communicates with me frequently which was a major issue I had in the past (lack of communication) and I’m not quite sure how to handle it. But back to the point – I do need to realize that I can say NO. That’s actually an area of my life that I’ve always struggled in. It’s like NO isn’t in my vocabulary.
7Carol Norris
wrote on 21 April 2009 at 15:17
aw, thanks…you are a sweetie. Any wisdom I might have has been earned by the school of experience and hard-knocks, so I try to share some tidbits when I feel it is right.
I am actually working on starting a few blogs, as well as a “Granny’s Words of Wisdom” website, but being technologically impaired always slows me down on such things LOL. I will certainly letcha’ know when they are operational though! Feel free to email me anytime if ya need a shoulder or just to vent….I am “mom” to half the planet already, so one more is always welcome.