And now for the rest of the story, part three of the real story behind my Wordless Wednesday my best friends wedding picture.

Wondering what I’m talking about?

Check out the Wordless Wednesday Post and don’t forget to read part one and part two too!

My weight has been out of control the last several years.

Ok so that’s not entirely true – it’s been out of control my entire life! From the time I was in 5th or 6th grade until now!

Crazy crash diets and losing then gaining and losing then gaining over and over and over until now where I’ve hit the highest weight I’ve EVER been. I’m at a number on the scale that I said I REFUSED to EVER let myself get to.

But…

I’ve hit that number and I’m happier than I’ve ever been!

Am I happy with my weight? No! But I had a breakthrough (and mind you this just happened Wednesday night December 2nd, so not even 2 weeks ago) LOL) and finally realized that this self-hatred and low self-esteem I’ve had for so long had to go bye bye.

I realized it was time to embrace myself for the woman that God created me to be – faults and all – and that means loving my body too regardless of what size I am! I also realized that it’s not about the number on the scale it’s about being healthy.

Mark my words – 2010 is gonna be an amazing year!

If I already feel like I can take on the world and it’s only been a little over a week since my realization and breakthrough I can’t even begin to imagine the changes you’re going to see in me over the course of 2010!

Last Thursday morning I awoke with a new grasp on life. I suddenly didn’t want to ‘hide’ in baggy clothes or big bulky sweatshirts anymore. I didn’t want to not do anything with my hair or my make-up anymore. I suddenly wanted to look and feel my best where I’m at right now (weight wise). Suddenly I couldn’t wait to get up and get dressed and do my hair and my wake-up. Then all of a sudden that turned into I couldn’t wait to get up and exercise! And then all of a sudden I couldn’t wait to get my hands on fruits and veggies and salads.

That morning I stood in front of the mirror naked with tears rolling down my face and I don’t know where it came from but the only words that I could speak were “I’m beautiful. I love me.” It was the weirdest, coolest, craziest thing all rolled into one!

And then it all made sense – I’m at a place where I’m finally starting to understand God’s love and finally able to see me, the real me, for the beautiful woman I truly am regardless of my size! It’s about embracing myself and loving me right now even though I don’t like the number on the scale!

Do you know what it’s like to finally love yourself after all these years of hating yourself?

It’s an amazing feeling that can’t be put into words! It’s like all of a sudden I’ve arrived…to where? I don’t know but baby I’ve arrived and ready to move onto my next destination!