I’ve debated for almost 24 hours now about posting this but I’ve been real about everything for the past two years so why stop now? I thought maybe it wasn’t fair to post it because I know he reads my blog. And I don’t want anyone thinking he’s a bad person because he’s so not! And if he’s reading I don’t want to make him feel bad because I know he already does.

Yesterday wasn’t a good day. At all. It sucked. I’m pretty sure I cried every possible tear there was to cry and then some (even now thinking I have no tears left they are once again running down my cheeks…oh and that’s not a picture of me cause I looked/look a heck of a lot worse than just one tear rolling down my cheek!…lol). My head felt like it was going to explode, Tylenol didn’t even begin to touch the headache I had which is still here today but not as bad as yesterday. I spent most of the day in bed bawling my eyes out like a big baby. I needed to be alone. I needed to let the tears out…you know how sometimes you just need those good gut wrenching, sobbing, can’t catch your breath cries? Yeah it was that. I just wanted to be left alone but Caleb didn’t leave me alone. He was worried about me. He was the sweetest kid ever. He kept hugging me, patting me on the back, kissing me and telling me how much he loved me.

The reason behind my tears…

Seth and I have…taken a break, broken up, or whatever you wanna call it (at least until he’s back in the states and until we both deal with things we need to deal with. ok part of me sort of understands but I’m still hurt and angry)! I call it THIS JUST SUCKS! He calls it WE’LL STILL BE FRIENDS!

In the past it’s been so easy to hate the men when a relationship ended (and our relationship isn’t over…it’s just on hold and I have no intentions of going anywhere) because they were jerks, cheaters, abusive, etc. It was so easy to bash on them and talk smack. But this time there isn’t anything, nothing, nada, zilch to hate or talk smack about. He’s done nothing but be honest & upfront (sometimes to honest…lol), sweet, kind, caring, thoughtful and so many other things. How can I hate him or bad talk him when there isn’t anything bad to say or anything to hate? And you can’t hate someone you care so deeply for. Well you can but in this situation I can’t…he doesn’t deserve it.

Why do relationships have to be so complicated?

Tish