just say that.

Or did he?

Yep he did.

Yikes! Turn and walk the other way. Scratch that turn and RUN the other way.

Ok so now that you are probably confused about those couple sentences let me explain. I’ve dived back into the pool of dating. I’ve went back to the whole online dating thing again. Why? I’m not entirely sure. I guess because I think I’m ready. I’m ready to move past/move on (whatever you wanna call it) from the previous relationship.

But anyways I did and here I am with a gazillion emails coming into my inbox daily with prospective ‘fish’. (And I have to say living in the city has certainly provided more abundance in the ‘fish’ department than anything up North) That should make me happy right? I guess it’s a little exciting but more than anything it’s overwhelming. I almost feel like I need to hire an assistant just to weed through all the emails!

Once I weed out the psycho looking ones, the ones that can’t spell (and I’m not talking just a few minor misspelled words I’m talking they can’t even spell simple words like hello or woman right…you get the point), the ones that don’t have pictures (word to you men out there – if you’re going to use a dating site put a PICTURE up! Hello!) and the ones that just seem freaky I’m finally left with a manageable number of possibilities.

So we move onto talking on the phone or instant messaging. That’s where this post comes into play – a conversation from a few minutes ago. This guy and I have been emailing through the dating site and just moved onto IM conversations and all it took was one conversation to scare me off.

Prospective Date: So how do you like city living?

Me: I love it. I love the hustle and bustle and everyday commotion.

Prospective Date: Even though you live by Flint?

Me: Yes. Although there was a recent event that happened that kind of freaked me out. Ok it didn’t just freak me out it totally scared the crap out of me.

Prospective Date: Oh no let me guess your place got broken into?

Me: Well kind of. Not my house but my car.  (side note: if you don’t know what I’m talking about you can read about that here.)

Prospective Date: Oh that’s nothing. You’ll get used to stuff like that. Hey at least it wasn’t your house.

Me: I realize I’m in the city but I should not have to get used to someone invading my space and rummaging through my stuff.

Prospective Date: You just need a man. Me preferably.

Me: Stop right there. I DO NOT NEED a man.

Prospective Date: Yes you do and this just proves it. You can’t protect yourself. If we were dating I would be there every night to protect you and make you feel safe.

Me: I can protect myself. I’ve been doing it for many years now. And you need to get one thing straight before we even carry on any more of a conversation. I’ve already said it but it bares repeating. I DO NOT NEED a man in my life.

Prospective Date: Why does it offend you so much that I said you need a man?

Me: Because I’m sick and tired of people thinking that women NEED men in their life. We don’t. At least I don’t. Would I like one in my life? Well yeah obviously but it’s not a NEED.

Prospective Date: Well you need to just realize that you do need me and everything will be just fine.

Me: Thanks for the chat but I need to get going now.

Prospective Date: So when can we meet? Can I have your phone number?

Me: We won’t be meeting and no you can’t have my number.

Prospective Date: You need to lighten up a little.

I didn’t even respond to that last statement. I don’t need to lighten up a little. I’m 33 and not playing games. I want a relationship with a man that is going to RESPECT me (not one that’s going to tell me what I need to do as this goofball did when he said I needed to just realize that I needed him), love me for who I am, love my son, see me as an equal and not talk down to me. And lots more but I won’t bore you.

The jist of this rambling is that I’ve settled for everything everyone that I don’t deserve in the past. I’ve put up with phsyical and emotional abuse, cheating and so much more just for the sake of being in a relationship. Just for the sake of feeling loved. Just because I thought I needed a man. I’m too old to be settling. I deserve a good man and that’s what I’m holding out for (and I can’t not throw this in – I know where that man is but I just can’t have him and it sucks).

Anyways…dating sucks. I don’t have the energy to do this. Or maybe it’s just that I’m not really ready to do this. I don’t know.